Sic A Wife As Willie Had

  sic a wife as willie had
  willie wastle dwalt on tweed,
  the spot they ca'd it linkumdoddie;
  willie was a wabster gude,
  could stown a clue wi' ony body:
  he had a wife was dour and din,
  o tinkler maidgie was her mither;
  sic a wife as willie had,
  i wad na gie a button for her!
  she has an e'e, she has but ane,
  the cat has twa the very colour;
  five rusty teeth, forbye a stump,
  a clapper tongue wad deave a miller:
  a whiskin beard about her mou',
  her nose and chin they threaten ither;
  sic a wife as willie had,
  i wadna gie a button for her!
  she's bow-hough'd, she's hein-shin'd,
  ae limpin leg a hand-breed shorter;
  she's twisted right, she's twisted left,
  to balance fair in ilka quarter:
  she has a lump upon her breast,
  the twin o' that upon her shouther;
  sic a wife as willie had,
  i wadna gie a button for her!
  auld baudrons by the ingle sits,
  an' wi' her loof her face a-washin;
  but willie's wife is nae sae trig,
  she dights her grunzie wi' a hushion;
  her walie nieves like midden-creels,
  her face wad fyle the logan water;
  sic a wife as willie had,
  i wadna gie a button for her!